2013 Goals: Intentional Living

1. Make better use of my time.

I will participate in the 52 Books in 2013 challenge. I’ve never been much of a reader. I like my reading to have purpose, so I will frequently read parenting or homeschool books, but I rarely just read for pleasure. Now, I know I’m not actually going to hit the goal of one book a week, but I’m hoping that just by trying, I’ll be more aware of how I’m spending my free time. The girls need a lot less of me this year and I’ve found myself spending way too much time surfing the internet or watching reality TV.

2. Patience- with my children, my husband, and myself.

I’ve never, ever done well with this, but it does get a little better every year. It might just be because my kids are getting older, but I’ll take it. I’ve found it helps to make specific changes that help me focus on a larger goal. Thing 2 has decided she’d like to have a weekly game night, which is an excellent way to help us focus on our relationship as a family, as well as model and practice patience!

I am also going to work on being a better homemaker when my husband is home (and not traveling for work). Instead of feeling frustrated with the constant change of routine as he comes and goes, I will focus on making his time here more pleasant through better housekeeping and homemaking. I know that sounds very submissive and I’m going to let it. Anyone who knows us knows how far I am from that, so I’m ok with it being a goal.

Lastly, I will not allow myself to dwell on the negatives at night, which is when I usually start beating myself up over all the mishaps of the day (and the last ten years). I will shut down the computer by 9PM so that my brain can calm down and I will not entertain negative thoughts as I fall asleep.

3. Happiness.

It’s a lofty goal, I realize, but an area on which I need to focus during 2013. This has been an awful year for me. Probably the worst ever. I thought I knew what it was like to grieve. I had no idea until this year. Being sad is not the same thing as grieving. I had no idea that grief ate away at the core of your being day after day after day. That just when you thought you were better, it would come sweeping back and knock you to your knees.

I’m thankful for a patient husband, a quiet life, support groups, and incredibly strong, supportive friends. I’m grateful I had built up my army of infertile friends long before I hit rock bottom. There were many days I looked at those women and thought, “Well, they are happy now, so I’ll get there eventually.” So, 2013 is about reconstructing my view of the future and embracing it. It’s about letting go and moving on.

I’m not quite sure how I’m going to get there, but I’m starting with The Happiness Project as well as setting firm boundaries with people and events that aren’t helpful. I envision a year full of baby steps. No pun intended.